It is the last week of July 2010. The job search has begun and boy do I feel lost. Torn between health and food, Salt Lake City or beyond and really afraid to take this next step. I want too, I want back our routine and a home and our own things but at the same time, I want to already be established. I get butterflies just thinking about starting a new job. I feel lost, conflicted and pretty damn unproductive right now.
I have been consumed with planning the wedding when really I should be planning my life. I guess I am struggling with what my strengths are, whether I need more schooling, where I want to live, whether I want to start my own business now or wait a couple of years. Overall lots of emotion and conflict and no resolution.
How can I come off of six weeks of adventure and feel so down about life? I guess life isn't supposed to be easy but is it supposed to be this difficult to decide what you want to do with your life? I know I can always change but I don't want to feel like I am wasting my life away. I'd like to be cooking more as I feel that would lift my spirits but we really don't have the money to be cooking right now. The sense of urgency is helpful in some ways and hurtful in others because I feel like I have to find something NOW! I haven't even turned in my resume to one employer-what a schmuck I am.
Will it ever get better? I don't want this to be a pity post, I need some intervention or some light at the end of the tunnel. Right now all I see is gray.
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Northern Michigan Summers
Life is good. Practically too good. I think I am still catching up on sleep but slowly but surely am getting back in the US of A life. We had a blast at Evan and Ashley's wedding, it was great to catch up with people and we were so happy to be a part of their weekend! We got to see my Dad and hang out in MP and celebrate Claire's 21st birthday (she held herself together amazingly well) and then we headed up north to hang out with Mrs. T all week since it is one of her few times in Michigan this summer.
I am in a dilemma with summer jobs. I really don't have the flexibility to work all the time because we need to be here and there and visiting people and the summer for the most part is already booked up. The problemo is and always is-money. I am defs (as the aussies would say) going to run out of money and this is a good opportunity to put money away for the wedding but my schedule is on the fritz and changes weekly. It has been on my mind 24/7 and I need to figure something out. So any ideas would help.
I am also diving head first into wedding planning and I am not sure I am ready or prepared. SO many fricken details. Sometimes it is hard to know what you want, but you have to have an idea about what you want before you commit to anything. Yikes. So far we think we want it to be September of 2011 and we have a rough idea of a guest list. Other than that....it is still up in the air. Sometimes, getting married in the Italian countryside seems like the best option! We shall see. For now, I will try to get into the groove of things.
I think I feel disjointed because I am in the in-between stage right now. In between jobs, homes, single life and married life, and there isn't a lot of stability in any of it which I am accustomed too. I am enjoying life but am not stress free because of all the things/worries floating around in my brain all the time. I also need to get back into a workout routine. We took our first bike ride into Harbor Springs the other day which was great but we need to get the bikes tuned so we won't get them back for a few days. I feel sluggish and lazy and all the wonderful treats from Europe are lingering on my body in places I don't want!
This entry isn't really as interesting but is a much needed vent session. Sometimes I work stuff out the best when I write it all down so maybe this is the motivation I need. We shall see.
I am in a dilemma with summer jobs. I really don't have the flexibility to work all the time because we need to be here and there and visiting people and the summer for the most part is already booked up. The problemo is and always is-money. I am defs (as the aussies would say) going to run out of money and this is a good opportunity to put money away for the wedding but my schedule is on the fritz and changes weekly. It has been on my mind 24/7 and I need to figure something out. So any ideas would help.
I am also diving head first into wedding planning and I am not sure I am ready or prepared. SO many fricken details. Sometimes it is hard to know what you want, but you have to have an idea about what you want before you commit to anything. Yikes. So far we think we want it to be September of 2011 and we have a rough idea of a guest list. Other than that....it is still up in the air. Sometimes, getting married in the Italian countryside seems like the best option! We shall see. For now, I will try to get into the groove of things.
I think I feel disjointed because I am in the in-between stage right now. In between jobs, homes, single life and married life, and there isn't a lot of stability in any of it which I am accustomed too. I am enjoying life but am not stress free because of all the things/worries floating around in my brain all the time. I also need to get back into a workout routine. We took our first bike ride into Harbor Springs the other day which was great but we need to get the bikes tuned so we won't get them back for a few days. I feel sluggish and lazy and all the wonderful treats from Europe are lingering on my body in places I don't want!
This entry isn't really as interesting but is a much needed vent session. Sometimes I work stuff out the best when I write it all down so maybe this is the motivation I need. We shall see.
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